Annoying shit I do that nobody has called me out on, but they definitely should have.

God I’m annoying*. Seriously, have you met me? I am a pain in the posterior to hang out with. And you only have to see me like once every now and then. I have to live with me all the time.
It’s awful, and loud, and sometimes vaguely unsettling.

Nah, don’t worry.
I like me! (enough of the time anyway) but I guess sometimes I have these moments where my Changnesia wears off and I’m like…wtf am I doing? Am I seriously every cliche in the book?
I read those Buzzfeed lists about annoying people on Facebook & Things you do that you probably shouldn’t  (watching surprise engagements videos on Youtube is INSPIRING OKAY! Stop judging me Brodie!) and I’m like…holy shit. Why hasn’t someone saved me from myself?!

Hey Everyone...come and see how good I look!

Hey Everyone…come and see how good I look!

Taking Pictures with Bottles/Alcoholic Beverages
Who the Fuck do I think I am? And why am I pointing at these items? Do I think you’re stupid? “Heyooooooo, see that? Yup. I drank it! See this? That’s where the liquid came from. And now you know. Awesome.” *Then I Highfived myself in the face.* Wanna date me? I am surprisingly available.

Posting Annoying Links to things on Social media sitesUntitled3
Hey have you liked my blog today? Did you like my blog? If my blog was a desert island and you could only take one of my blogs with you, which one would you choose? Have you shared my blog? hey look over there! What’s that!? It’s my blog!!! Blogblogblogblogbloglikelikelikelikelike, raaaaaaar. Then I stab you….okay that got out of control…lets move on.

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Posting Way to many photos to online area’s
Mainly (apparently) of myself holding food and drink items (see above) or artfully taken photos that show off how skinny/fun I am. HAHA we are having SUCH a great time, without YOU! Lets all take a totally natural picture of us and share it on a public forum.
MmmmJeaaaalousbitch?
Thoughtso.

Talking about how I’m such a unique individual all the time because I am an Expat Brat
Oh did you hear? I’m an Australian living in Canada. yeahthatsright, so I’m technically better than ALL of you. And if that wasn’t enough, I also grew up in Asia. Yeah thats right. I’m interesting. WHATEVER, i’ll be in my trailer writing my blog about how interesting I am, which you can totally like later on Facebook. There will also be photos of me drinking. No big deal.

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Constantly updating you on my burgeoning (hahaha-suuuuure) Film and TV Career.
Oh hey guys, just a casual photo of me interviewing some people on TV. It’s cool.

Annnnnnnd Finally

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Saying/Doing/Texting inappropriate things while under the influence
Yeahhhhh I get that it isn’t cute or funny any more that I ate all the ice cream at 3am, or that I texted you something that made me delete all the messages in my inbox, or that I broke your shit with my flailing ungainly arms. And what with my quarter century mark coming to pass next week, I think I’m going to need to go sit in a dark corner somewhere and think about getting my shit under control.

From now on, feel free to call me and (other sufferers) out on this shit.

Thanks!

*This blog is written kind of in jest. (Duh, I’m awesome). If you can’t poke fun at yourself sometimes, then lighten the hell up. What is it that Jane Austen wrote in Pride and Prejudice?

“For what do we live, but to make sport for our neighbors, and laugh at them in our turn?”

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Reddit and the Internet at large

cat_glassA lot Most of my knowledge comes from the internet. It’s just a sad fact that we are all going to have to deal with. The days of looking up information in books are coming to an end.

I have  a small amount of sadness in relation to this, but it is small. Things change, technologies advance and the world turns again and again on it’s axis until the day the sun explodes and engulfs us, or we blow ourselves up through modern warfare (details…details).

I’m glad that my silly undergraduate days are behind me. The assignments we were set often required multiple sources from books to include in our citations and in our bibliography. Realistically, most information was nabbed from the internet or from others, or from sheer fear and ideas that came into my brain as the 6pm deadline loomed closer and closer and I had begun the essay at 6am. Often I would run to the library, look through a few books that sounded like they vaguely had something to do with the topic, scribble some idea down somewhere relevant and then hope like hell I wasn’t going to fail the unit.

Oh you didn’t actually think I was going to read that book did you?

Why would I? I have the internet.

I wonder if University essays were better back in the day, or worse. I mean, it’s true, you have to be discerning when it comes to things you read online, but the wealth of information out there is incredible.

Lets pretend for a moment that I use the internet for more than my own vanity (Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, LinkdIn, Pintrest, Youtube) and am actually using it as the amazing tool that it is. WOW knowledge.

I do spend a lot of time on a site called Reddit.com which you may have heard of. It is a place where people can gather and contribute interesting things to one another. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t spend the majority of my time in a part of it called “Funny” which is basically pictures of cats, memes, or gifs of people hurting themselves. But recently I have ventured into other sub-reddits (that is what they are called, accept it and enjoy that feeling of being “in-the-know”).

There are fabulous parts on there like the TIL – Today I learned, where users can post interesting things that they learned, usually with links to articles old or new.

or AMA – a section where users can share personal stories and others can AMA – “Ask me Anything”.

Oh did I forget to mention that there is a system of up-voting links people like and there is such a thing as Reddit Karma and Karma Gold which can be won? Oh I did? So I guess it has elements of vanity and competition just like my favourite networking sites.

Shucks. It is the internet after all people! A place where you can be anyone or anything, hidden comfortably behind closed doors and in the comfort of your living room.

If you haven’t been to reddit…Get there. Or get off your ass and go outside. It’s -15 today so I think I’m just going to stay inside and learn if that’s okay with you…

Plot twist – Oh but of course

In a surprising turn of events that isn’t really, in any way, a shock – because my life sometimes reads like a bad D grade Screenplay, it turns out there is a mistake on my Visa.

Is it really a big deal that the legal document that allows me to work and live in the great white north has a mistake on it, made by some moron at the Border over a year ago when I arrived? Yes. I’d say my answer to that would be yes.

It’s not really a long story, but I’ll speed it up for you anyways. As an Aussie in Canada under the age of 30, I am eligible for what is called a “Working Holiday Program Visa”, which allows (if I meet the criteria – which I do) for me to work for any company in any field in any part of Canada (pretty sweet I know…but now you know why almost the entire population of Whistler is from Down-Unda. Add to this amazing visa the fact that you can renew it again and again while you still meet the criteria…and…well… now we know why there is such a love affair between our two great nations.

Imagine my surprise then when yesterday afternoon working my retail job (which – let’s be honest, I hate) I was busily unpacking a box of HEINOUS new button up shirts and was told I would have to leave immediately.

My first reaction was confusion, the Manager that approached me was not being a bitch and told me that it wasn’t personal, but that head office had called after checking my visa and that I wasn’t eligible to work there anymore. My second reaction was fear, I instantly started sweating, HAD I somehow done something wrong when I entered the country? But i’d been working just fine for the same Summer Camp company with no drama’s. My third reaction was panic (naturally) I left work and sat for what felt like 3 hours on the train trying to get back to my apartment to check my documentation and work it all out.

I always thought I was quite good under pressure. Nope, turns out I am a hyperventilating, snivelling, cry baby. Thank god for level-headed friends like Kate who came over with her own Aussie Passport and her calm nature. We called all the right people and figured out that this is what happened:

The guy who entered all my information into my visa fucked up.

Where my visa should say “Employer: Open” this douche-bag (who I remember so clearly by the way – even though I had been awake for 36 hours and was all alone in a foreign country – I knew this guy seemed so disinterested and pissed off) typed the name of the company I was planning on working for the summer (AND he spelt it wrong. Ass-hat).

So the people in Ottawa have to fix it now. All the paper-work has been sent off, but of course I cannot work until the visa is fixed and back in my passport. I cried and cried to the call centre with the information, but the only help they could give me was a form and a suggestion to write URGENT on the front. Good stuff guys. Great work.

No one is able to write me a letter to say “Hey um…we messed up…lol…sorry, she can work” to show my employer, so I am effectively terminated from retail until further notice.

Hum.

The timing of this is immaculate. I may have to steal this episode from my own life and implant it into a screenplay somewhere. Girl: 23 turning 24 in one week, hates job, wants to change life, is giving a week-a month (yep that’s what the time period is here…AHHHH!) of time where she can’t work. Watch how she changes her life and realizes what she was looking for was in front of her the entire time!

It is genius. Thanks Universe, you deserve a medal.

So here is a list of things I could do in a week-a month where I am unable to fold clothes and put minimum wage in my bank account:

LIST OF THINGS TO DO WHILE YOU’RE WAITING AROUND FOR IDIOTS TO MOVE THEIR ASS:

  • Finish the Screenplay I started in a fever last month and which I haven’t started since
  • Get my Youtube channel up and running, I have an idea for a comedy thing, (not sure how it will be received as it just involves me ranting at the camera and maybe puking)
  • Study for and ACTUALLY BOOK to sit the written drivers test in this country. OH GOD I’m going to be another year older and still drivers license-less
  • Apply for more jobs I don’t hate
  • Do all the menial boring jobs around the house I’ve been putting off, like donate that huge bag of unwanted clothes in our living room
  • Do my tax return that was meant to be done in May
  • Maybe do my Australian Tax return just to let them know I don’t live there any more (due..?!?)
  • Do some exercise and stop eating Pringles for breakfast
  • Go to the cheap Rainbow Theatre’s cinemas and see all the movies that are out that I want to see
  • Watch the entire first season of Deadwood
  • Finally go to the doctor and get my hormone levels checked so we can figure out this neck beard thing
  • Visit some friends in another part of Canada (leaving the country is out at this stage unfortunately…)
  • Throw myself into my internship and get more experience
  • Start day drinking
  • Read all the books I took from a free book giveaway a year ago that just sit on my shelves
  • Wander around the city and take in more sites (possibly shoeless and smelly, just to get the true homeless person experience – because that’s what I feel like I am right now)
  • Cat sit my friends new kitten
  • Learn to cook something that doesn’t suck

WOW! Look at all the things I could do!

I can’t help thinking about that AWFUL book that I read 6 pages of and then potentially on purpose lost “The Secret” which told me that the Universe listens to the vibes you are putting out (so the people on the Titanic were…what?) and about how much I have been complaining about retail lately………….

Universe? Are you listening? I’d like a writing job on SNL if possible? And an apartment overlooking Central Park in NYC…and a chocolate fountain in my bedroom and Tina Fey for a best friend…are you getting that? Hope so!

 

Paris