4 Reasons my iPhone 4 and I need to break up

I was late to the world of smart phones.
Blame technology illiteracy, blame laziness, blame fear of the new. When I left Australia in 2011 I was rocking a a sweet Samsung Slide phone

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And when I arrived in Canada I went with another shitty phone: a Huweiwei or somethiiiiing.

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It was only after a year with this phone – (which while not a cool touch screen phone, did have the internet on it – so I could check facebook on the run – game changer) that I decided to join the realm of smart phones.

The iPhone 5 was about to drop so I figured I’d go for an iPhone 4, which 3 years ago was pretty cheap (by Canadian phone-plan ridiculous standards).

We’ve been together 3 years now, and with an upgrade up for grabs, I think it is time my iPhone 4 and I broke up.

Here are 4 reasons

1. You never listen to me

lalalalala can't hear ya

lalalalala can’t hear ya

Whenever I ask you to go to instagram or to answer a skype call, your response is to freeze and then do the opposite of what I asked. Are you listening to me iPhone?! Because… I feel like you are not. This is why, first love, I think we need to break up.

2. You’re mean to my friends
You are always getting between me and my friends. Whether it’s when they call or text me, or when they send me something funny via social media. Facebook? Forget it, I had to delete that shit months ago because of your interfering ways. You’re ruining my (social) life. How will I know how Ashlea’s day was?! iPhone 4… It’s not working out. I think I should see other phones and you should see the inside of a bin.

3. I don’t find you attractive anymore

Word

Word

I’m sorry, but I find myself checking out Androids. You just aren’t that hot any more. No there’s nothing you can do. No I don’t think updating my iOS is going to help. Please stop iPhone 4… you’re embarrassing yourself.

4. I can do better
Listen iPhone 4. We had our good times. But I came into this knowing it wasn’t forever. To be honest… I never thought we’d make it three years. I thought I’d drop you (on the ground) long before we reached this point. Don’t cry because it’s over, laugh that you outlasted most of your friends. Even if I don’t decide to go and bat for another team for a while (lesbian joke), I can still upgrade that shit to… an iPhone 5 at least (lets get real – I’m not money bags o’er here). No there’s nothing you can do. No I don’t want one last app upgrade for “old times sake”.

Reddit and the Internet at large

cat_glassA lot Most of my knowledge comes from the internet. It’s just a sad fact that we are all going to have to deal with. The days of looking up information in books are coming to an end.

I have  a small amount of sadness in relation to this, but it is small. Things change, technologies advance and the world turns again and again on it’s axis until the day the sun explodes and engulfs us, or we blow ourselves up through modern warfare (details…details).

I’m glad that my silly undergraduate days are behind me. The assignments we were set often required multiple sources from books to include in our citations and in our bibliography. Realistically, most information was nabbed from the internet or from others, or from sheer fear and ideas that came into my brain as the 6pm deadline loomed closer and closer and I had begun the essay at 6am. Often I would run to the library, look through a few books that sounded like they vaguely had something to do with the topic, scribble some idea down somewhere relevant and then hope like hell I wasn’t going to fail the unit.

Oh you didn’t actually think I was going to read that book did you?

Why would I? I have the internet.

I wonder if University essays were better back in the day, or worse. I mean, it’s true, you have to be discerning when it comes to things you read online, but the wealth of information out there is incredible.

Lets pretend for a moment that I use the internet for more than my own vanity (Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, LinkdIn, Pintrest, Youtube) and am actually using it as the amazing tool that it is. WOW knowledge.

I do spend a lot of time on a site called Reddit.com which you may have heard of. It is a place where people can gather and contribute interesting things to one another. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t spend the majority of my time in a part of it called “Funny” which is basically pictures of cats, memes, or gifs of people hurting themselves. But recently I have ventured into other sub-reddits (that is what they are called, accept it and enjoy that feeling of being “in-the-know”).

There are fabulous parts on there like the TIL – Today I learned, where users can post interesting things that they learned, usually with links to articles old or new.

or AMA – a section where users can share personal stories and others can AMA – “Ask me Anything”.

Oh did I forget to mention that there is a system of up-voting links people like and there is such a thing as Reddit Karma and Karma Gold which can be won? Oh I did? So I guess it has elements of vanity and competition just like my favourite networking sites.

Shucks. It is the internet after all people! A place where you can be anyone or anything, hidden comfortably behind closed doors and in the comfort of your living room.

If you haven’t been to reddit…Get there. Or get off your ass and go outside. It’s -15 today so I think I’m just going to stay inside and learn if that’s okay with you…