7 Passive Aggressive things I will do if you piss me off, that you will never know about

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7. Mispronounce and misspell your name when speaking to people we both know, about you:
“How is um…what was her name…shit… Diandra? You know, the brunette from Sales? Oh Diana? With an iana on the end? Huh. You have literally not corrected me 30 times. Weird.”

6. Delete all of your text messages out of my phone:
Because even seeing your name in my inbox pisses me off.

5. Depending how much you have pissed me off… delete your phone number:
So when you next text me I have to be all “Sorry who is this? Just updated my IOS and lost all my contacts. Oh Diandra! How are you!!?”

4. Write a thinly veiled blog post about you
Ahem.

3. Give you a really awkward nickname that me and my friends will exclusively refer to you as, that likely has something to do with a physical trait of yours:
“Hey remember when I was telling you about that guy Boyband? You know, he’s friends with insanely-small-dick-and-balls?”

2. Consistently tag you in photos online where you look really fat/disgusting and play dumb every time you crack the shits.

1. Name a shit thing that happens after you and just continuously use your name in this manner:
*Paris eats the rest of her friends ice cream. Paris’s friend discovers this and loses her mind.
Paris: I’m sorry I pulled a Fat-Fuck-Sam, but I was just so incredibly hungry.

 

Annoying shit I do that nobody has called me out on, but they definitely should have.

God I’m annoying*. Seriously, have you met me? I am a pain in the posterior to hang out with. And you only have to see me like once every now and then. I have to live with me all the time.
It’s awful, and loud, and sometimes vaguely unsettling.

Nah, don’t worry.
I like me! (enough of the time anyway) but I guess sometimes I have these moments where my Changnesia wears off and I’m like…wtf am I doing? Am I seriously every cliche in the book?
I read those Buzzfeed lists about annoying people on Facebook & Things you do that you probably shouldn’t  (watching surprise engagements videos on Youtube is INSPIRING OKAY! Stop judging me Brodie!) and I’m like…holy shit. Why hasn’t someone saved me from myself?!

Hey Everyone...come and see how good I look!

Hey Everyone…come and see how good I look!

Taking Pictures with Bottles/Alcoholic Beverages
Who the Fuck do I think I am? And why am I pointing at these items? Do I think you’re stupid? “Heyooooooo, see that? Yup. I drank it! See this? That’s where the liquid came from. And now you know. Awesome.” *Then I Highfived myself in the face.* Wanna date me? I am surprisingly available.

Posting Annoying Links to things on Social media sitesUntitled3
Hey have you liked my blog today? Did you like my blog? If my blog was a desert island and you could only take one of my blogs with you, which one would you choose? Have you shared my blog? hey look over there! What’s that!? It’s my blog!!! Blogblogblogblogbloglikelikelikelikelike, raaaaaaar. Then I stab you….okay that got out of control…lets move on.

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Posting Way to many photos to online area’s
Mainly (apparently) of myself holding food and drink items (see above) or artfully taken photos that show off how skinny/fun I am. HAHA we are having SUCH a great time, without YOU! Lets all take a totally natural picture of us and share it on a public forum.
MmmmJeaaaalousbitch?
Thoughtso.

Talking about how I’m such a unique individual all the time because I am an Expat Brat
Oh did you hear? I’m an Australian living in Canada. yeahthatsright, so I’m technically better than ALL of you. And if that wasn’t enough, I also grew up in Asia. Yeah thats right. I’m interesting. WHATEVER, i’ll be in my trailer writing my blog about how interesting I am, which you can totally like later on Facebook. There will also be photos of me drinking. No big deal.

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Constantly updating you on my burgeoning (hahaha-suuuuure) Film and TV Career.
Oh hey guys, just a casual photo of me interviewing some people on TV. It’s cool.

Annnnnnnd Finally

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Saying/Doing/Texting inappropriate things while under the influence
Yeahhhhh I get that it isn’t cute or funny any more that I ate all the ice cream at 3am, or that I texted you something that made me delete all the messages in my inbox, or that I broke your shit with my flailing ungainly arms. And what with my quarter century mark coming to pass next week, I think I’m going to need to go sit in a dark corner somewhere and think about getting my shit under control.

From now on, feel free to call me and (other sufferers) out on this shit.

Thanks!

*This blog is written kind of in jest. (Duh, I’m awesome). If you can’t poke fun at yourself sometimes, then lighten the hell up. What is it that Jane Austen wrote in Pride and Prejudice?

“For what do we live, but to make sport for our neighbors, and laugh at them in our turn?”

My quest for Fame and the disintergration of ethics in Social Media

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I wouldn’t usually use the word “Whore’ to describe myself, (let alone anyone else unless I was EXCEPTIONALLY pissed off), but there is no denying that for the last 3 days I am been whoring myself on all forms of social media for one reason only.

*Gasp* I have entered a reality tv show type competition.

AND oh MAN do I want it.

Twitter (which I haven’t ever fully appreciated and use mostly for posting stuff about the volunteer TV interviews I do)

Facebook (which I over-use for sharing photos and funny stuff with friends and family overseas)

and Instagram (which is mainly just pictures of snow, cut off “artsy” pictures of my face and the Canuck boyfriends dogs)

I am HATING myself all over Facebook and twitter because I am being so annoying and inundating friends and family with ME ME ME-ness.

VOTE FOR ME! I tell them, and I start thinking it is totally normal to start harassing people I haven’t spoken to in a year (umm…hi….i know we haven’t spoken in a while… and we probably don’t have anything in common any more… but would you be a dear and click this link and rate me even though this is a thing you don’t even care about….)

I have turned into one of those spamming douches that people right-click, hide, on their news feeds.

What have I become?

The truth of the matter is that I cringe to ask people to do this. Not because I am afraid of failure (oh no, I’ve taken quite a few knock-backs in my life and I am FINALLY FINALLY learning to dust myself off and pick myself back up) but because social media has etiquette, and begging for votes or views goes against that etiquette. I am like the prim old lady of Social Media.

But it’s not just me and my well-to-do online profile. There are many articles and sources to look for the way one minds their online manners, and you better not fuck too hard with them because a rain of hate will fall down on you. Delete, dust hands of person. Perhaps in real life you will begin to think less of them.

There have been people who I have been close to deleting because of their online spamming. And now I have morphed into one of those people!

BUT whats a girl to do?

I have been fighting for my bit of the TV/FILM pie for a while now and the one thing I do know is that you have to be in it to win it. You have to say “Hi, I’m here and I’m keen”.

There is a high likelihood that I will not make it into the top forty of this comepetition (No! What am I saying – positive thinking/vibes/ooooooohhhhhmmmmmmm – (thats me meditating to the spirit world of reality tv competitions)) but the fact that I made a video, put myself out there and went for it…well who knows who will see it and think, “that girl is cool.”

There is a saying I heard here in Canada which I love and I think about it all the time.

the saying goes:

“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”

So here it is, my first shot at goal for Much Music…. but who knows?!! At least I’m up for the game.