I’m really glad I didn’t successfully murder you during our childhood

27300_10151305224855805_1231938597_n

I’m not one to get all mushy (pffft yes I am) and write about how schweet my life is (all the time… that’s literally all I write about)  or how great my family is (they fucking CRaYcraY) but I just have to take a step back today and tell you about my awesome brother.

I left home like most expat brats I know, at 18, to attend University in a far off City. I had not been living with my siblings for a couple of years before that due to THE DIVORCE (duhn duhn duuuuuuhn) and because my parents loved my siblings more than me and sent them to an awesome boarding school in Thailand (kidding, they fully love me most). After graduating with an Undergraduate in black-out-binge-drinking and a Masters in enjoy-struggling-to-find-gainful-employment-sucker, I went home to Mother for a few months before promptly fucking off to an even further away city at the top of the globe that made my whole family go “huuuuhhhh?”.

I didn’t even like my brothers when I was a kid. Good GOD I thought they were annoying. They followed my friends around, my Mum was always making me include them, and they were SOOOOOO embarrassing because I was SOOOOOO cool (I was definitely, definitely not cool – I know – I have the diaries). I would have chosen staying in my room alone brooding over Hanson and Avril Lavinge songs, rather than be seen anywhere in public with my two closest blood-relations, EVEN if there was free food and dessert (oh how things change…).

HOLY HELL! Look at the size of that new born! Seeyalater pelvic floor

HOLY HELL! Look at the size of that new born! Seeyalater pelvic floor

So it was a great win for me to convince by younger brother to move to the same city as me. Almost a decade of living 5-9 hours plane ride apart, we now reside in the same hockey-loving, negative degree weather 6 months of the year, maple syrup guzzling, Parlez-vous garbled french, city of Toronto. And honestly I love having that younger, taller, genetically pretty similar version of myself around.

I dare us to be cuter

I dare us to be cuter

Aside from the fact that I now have a very conveniently located meat bag of organs to steal from were I to suffer an horrific accident, I also have someone I can easily manipulate to try weirder and weirder brunch places with me every weekend. Having my brother around means busting out my awful Cantonese when I go to Chinatown and order everything off the menu (and eat until I think I might die) and not have someone stare at me like I’m some kind of freak. Having my brother around means feeling like not a crazy person because we have both led big, wide, international lives and it isn’t weird that we had to get new passports before our old ones ran out. Having my brother here means I don’t have to go do shit by myself that I don’t want to do alone. Having my brother here means I can bitch to someone that’s not 12-16 hours in the future…MY PAIN IS REAL AND PRESENT!

I’m really proud of that dread-locked giant and what he has achieved since he moved to Canada. I was getting worried that small town Australia was going to suck him in and never let him go. Australia is a great country – but there is a lot to see out there and a lot more to care about than Australian X-factor.

Our same-city dwelling will probably be short lived as he plans to venture out West later this year, and I’ve started getting that itchy brain thing where I might pack up shop at any moment and shoot off somewhere new, but for now, I’m just grateful we had the opportunity to reconnect as adults. I can’t think of many people I still know (and like) 23 years later.

Do yourself a favor and call your sibling.

If for no other reason so that you know how far that Kidney is going to have to travel to get to you.

Nawwww

71620_10152362014720321_868232631_n

4 Reasons I wish I had a Sister

I grew up in a household with three kids, Girl, Boy Boy.
There are some great things about having brothers, and I love mine very much. But there were many times I wished for a sister.

And here are some of the reasons.

4. I could steal all of her clothes and shoes
I never wanted to steal my brothers clothes, because A) Most of them had pictures of Thomas the Tank engine or Power Rangers and B) Obviously they were too small and ripped/torn. I was with a friend on Sunday who was in Toronto for the weekend. Before we left her house so she could get back to her Uni town, she went into her sisters room and borrow/stole a cardigan. Imagine twice the wardrobe!

3. My Barbies would have been safe from harm.
My brothers took perverse pleasure in torturing my toys. I once came home to a pile of decapitated and de-limbed barbie dolls. I cried hysterically. My parents laughed, then scolded. Great parenting guys.

2. No one ever taught me how to do my makeup.
I did a lot of community theater when I was in Middle School and High School. My mum wore a lot of lipstick, but didn’t really throw on that much face slap (being youngish), these two factors led to me experimenting with makeup, copying off the Pantomime makeup that was done to my face. Think BIG eyes, OVERTHETOP lips. HUGE blush spots on my cheek bones. I am embarrassed to say that it was only in June last year, at the age of 22, that my stylish and makeup loving friend dragged me to a cosmetics store to stock up on things before summer camp. She did my makeup before a few nights out and taught me how it was done. Thank god those drag-queen days are over. For one member of my sibling group at least.

1. There would have been someone to fight with.
Fights with my brothers during childhood ended one of two ways. Before they were taller than me, they would cry. After they got taller than me, they ended with punches and objects being thrown. I never had the verbal wordplay kind of fights between my siblings (and when I had them with my parents I would always lose), which are a necessary part of sibling-in-fighting and teach one about comebacks and bitch attacks.

Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t trade my brothers for any one else (most days), but when I see my friends that have sisters, and the bond between them, sometimes I am a little jealous. That’s okay. I now have two roomies to steal clothes off, no barbies to protect, kind stylish friends to teach me how to not look like shit, and my brothers have developed a huge amount of sass between them. I guess rolled into one, it’s like I have a sister after all!

P