Literal Advice I can take from Pop Songs: AKA how to win like Ke$ha

Take this advice and you could be as sexy/well adjusted as me

Take this advice and you could be as sexy/well adjusted as me

Put a Milkshake in your yard and boys will come there 
Thanks Kelis! Getting a new boyfriend was never so easy.

My hair can be made into a whip
Willow Smith has one apparently, and her dad is Will Smith, so you know it’s badass.

Hair Whips

Hair Whips

If I dress like a glitzy hobo and brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack (Daniels I presume…not the essence of a guy named Jack) then I will wake up feeling like a black guy.
Now THAT is some good advice, because frankly, I saw a black strippermans penis recently and I’d like to get in on that action.

Don’t go chasing waterfalls
Cos like, you’ll probably get a smashed up face whether you catch it or not, and for realz, that is the money maker baby

All you need is a Dream and a Cardigan to make it in the USA
Thanks Miley! God, here I was thinking I needed connections, and like, a visa and shit. Nope Cardigans and Dreams are all you need to party (and rule) in the USA. I’m going to head to the closest 2nd hand store and then I’m booking my tickets to L.A.X!

Say my Name
Obviously- It’s a great name. Say it a lot. Say it as many times as Destiny’s child demands, and then we’ll be all good. That’s like 50 times, but you’ll get there. And you should probably colour coordinate your room and outfit with your friends. That would be good. Otherwise you clearly don’t love me and are sleeping with some other ho and you’re  “Gettin’ caught up in your game
When you can not say my name”

Don’t give your number to Scrubs
I’m imagining a pair of my nurse friends uniform. So DUH don’t give those nasty ass cotton fake-jama’s your number. They totally won’t call you. In fact, from now on, no giving your number to ANY inanimate objects.

Say no to Scrubs that won't call you back

Say no to Scrubs that won’t call you back


I hope that this advice has been as useful for you as it has for me.


You’re welcome.




I achieved Being alive today

What constitutes a good day?

For some, it is not getting eaten by           lions, having clean water to drink,          having enough food and shelter and a supportive family that loves you. But this is not a world vision special, and I am talking first-world-problem good days (sorry world-vision, you do good work but your ads make me sad and this is a ranty blog post, not a saddy one).

For me, a good day is one where my boobs point in the right direction and the huge blemish that keeps re-occurring around PMS time, even though I am now 23 and WELL past adolescence, is less red and angry then the day before. A good day is one where I don’t consume 30,000,000,000 calories in the office due to boredom and there are interesting updates on facebook.

But what else constitutes a good day? Logic tells me (going back to our world vision special) that if I have my health and freedom from persecution, then indeed the world is gumdrops and lollipops, a magical land of chocolate rivers and oh look an oompa loompa! Oh no…it’s just a dwarf. Little person? Midget?

I digress.

2011 is the first year that I have not been at school. At first, it was liberating, then terrifying, then I was apathetic, then sad, then angry. It’s been a fun ride of hormonal upswings.

My goals and dreams are the gold plated kind, the soar amongst the moon and stars and eagles variety (gosh I’m using a lot of imagery in this post, my poetry lecturer would be proud). If I wanted to be a banker, I’d (presumably) go and work in a bank. If I wanted to be an underwater detective, I’d have completed the Certificate IV in underwater dectetivery.

But no. I want to be a writer, and an actor, and a director. And so I work in a camp office. In Toronto.

I’ve been finding it hard of late to get my creative juices flowing, to find the inspiration (and angst) that used to pour out from me as a teenager. I thrive under pressure, and with only myself to set deadlines and beat up if I don’t do them, I’ve found that projects I’ve started have been…well…erm…oh look a procrastination shiny thing over there!

You see, a good day for me is getting down on paper the creative bits and pieces that I promise myself I will capture. Because in the industry I want to DOMINATE, no one is going to hand you the tools or the jobs. I believe that the creative industries are changing, and to succeed, you have to create your own projects. Be your own task master, as difficult as it may be.

I worry that at 23, with a full time job that saps me dry so that come 6pm, all I want to do is zone out and watch 30 Rock, I’ve lost the fight, the drive, the will to conquer, to accomplish, to succeed.

Oh look. 500 words exactly of creative outlet.

8th November: Task completed