Annoying shit I do that nobody has called me out on, but they definitely should have.

God I’m annoying*. Seriously, have you met me? I am a pain in the posterior to hang out with. And you only have to see me like once every now and then. I have to live with me all the time.
It’s awful, and loud, and sometimes vaguely unsettling.

Nah, don’t worry.
I like me! (enough of the time anyway) but I guess sometimes I have these moments where my Changnesia wears off and I’m like…wtf am I doing? Am I seriously every cliche in the book?
I read those Buzzfeed lists about annoying people on Facebook & Things you do that you probably shouldn’t  (watching surprise engagements videos on Youtube is INSPIRING OKAY! Stop judging me Brodie!) and I’m like…holy shit. Why hasn’t someone saved me from myself?!

Hey Everyone...come and see how good I look!

Hey Everyone…come and see how good I look!

Taking Pictures with Bottles/Alcoholic Beverages
Who the Fuck do I think I am? And why am I pointing at these items? Do I think you’re stupid? “Heyooooooo, see that? Yup. I drank it! See this? That’s where the liquid came from. And now you know. Awesome.” *Then I Highfived myself in the face.* Wanna date me? I am surprisingly available.

Posting Annoying Links to things on Social media sitesUntitled3
Hey have you liked my blog today? Did you like my blog? If my blog was a desert island and you could only take one of my blogs with you, which one would you choose? Have you shared my blog? hey look over there! What’s that!? It’s my blog!!! Blogblogblogblogbloglikelikelikelikelike, raaaaaaar. Then I stab you….okay that got out of control…lets move on.

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Posting Way to many photos to online area’s
Mainly (apparently) of myself holding food and drink items (see above) or artfully taken photos that show off how skinny/fun I am. HAHA we are having SUCH a great time, without YOU! Lets all take a totally natural picture of us and share it on a public forum.
MmmmJeaaaalousbitch?
Thoughtso.

Talking about how I’m such a unique individual all the time because I am an Expat Brat
Oh did you hear? I’m an Australian living in Canada. yeahthatsright, so I’m technically better than ALL of you. And if that wasn’t enough, I also grew up in Asia. Yeah thats right. I’m interesting. WHATEVER, i’ll be in my trailer writing my blog about how interesting I am, which you can totally like later on Facebook. There will also be photos of me drinking. No big deal.

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Constantly updating you on my burgeoning (hahaha-suuuuure) Film and TV Career.
Oh hey guys, just a casual photo of me interviewing some people on TV. It’s cool.

Annnnnnnd Finally

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Saying/Doing/Texting inappropriate things while under the influence
Yeahhhhh I get that it isn’t cute or funny any more that I ate all the ice cream at 3am, or that I texted you something that made me delete all the messages in my inbox, or that I broke your shit with my flailing ungainly arms. And what with my quarter century mark coming to pass next week, I think I’m going to need to go sit in a dark corner somewhere and think about getting my shit under control.

From now on, feel free to call me and (other sufferers) out on this shit.

Thanks!

*This blog is written kind of in jest. (Duh, I’m awesome). If you can’t poke fun at yourself sometimes, then lighten the hell up. What is it that Jane Austen wrote in Pride and Prejudice?

“For what do we live, but to make sport for our neighbors, and laugh at them in our turn?”

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24 things they don’t warn you about before you turn 24

24. You can’t handle your alcohol like you used to:
When I lived at College for 3 years, my liver was a hardened criminal, used to taking no shit from no bitches, and handling, on average, 7-8 drinks a night 6-7 times a week (sometimes we didn’t drink on Sundays…sometimes). Now my liver is a Pussy, and it has made the rest of my body soft and weak. Stupid age.

23. Some things that were cute when you were 18, are not cute now you are a hop skip and a jump away from being thirty:
Like losing all your stuff on a night out (oh darn, you lost your phone again? WOOPSIES! You fucking moron) or getting caught in the rain with no umbrella (YOU CHECKED THE WEATHER ON YOUR COMPUTER BEFORE YOU LEFT!) We’re too smart now to do dumb things like this. Or, we’re just too dumb and evolution needs to sort that out.

22. People are going to start settling down, and shit:
Check my blog from Monday where I detailed the stuff I don’t know about weddings. But weddings aside, people are getting engaged, their moving in with each other, they’re not going out as much any more because they’re saving for things. WTF mate.

21. Your health is more important:
But I WANNA eat that cheesecake at lunch and still get frozen yogurt after my dinner of pizza and mozzarella sticks. WHAT THE HELL IS A CLOGGED ARTERY AND WHY SHOULD I CARE ABOUT IT?! You’re also going to get fat as fuck with your metabolism peaking out on you.

20. People are going to ask you what you do…all the time:
When I was 18, people assumed I was at University. I didn’t know people that weren’t. I might have asked them what they were studying if I was trying to be polite or trying to make out with them, but I didn’t really care (it was just the pre-hitting on them move). Now people ask me all the time what I do. What shall I tell them? “I WAS working in retail (which I hated) and then I found out my visa had an error on it so now I’m just interning and mindlessly cruising the internet. Is this the part where I ask you and you can tell me even though I don’t really care?”

19. At first paying your own bills and doing your own laundry was exciting and fun. Now it isn’t.

18. There are people younger than you, more successful and more famous than you. And you should feel bad.

17. You won’t live forever:
This shocked me. I went to my first funeral this year and where I used to think 50 was sooooooo old, now I can’t help thinking my friends mum died SOOOOOO YOUNG. I’ll be fifty in 26 years. That’s not enough time to do all the things I need to do! Maybe i’m not invincible…

16. Every year – things seem to speed up and go a little faster:
I can’t believe I just had another birthday. Didn’t I just have one last month? See number 17.

15. All that talent you displayed in High School – when people told you how unique and creative you were…
Well there’s lots more competition now.

14. Your parents protected you from a lot of the crazy out there.
It’s going to rattle tins at you on the corners, it’s going to knock on your door and try to tell you about jesus. Someway, some how, each year the crazy is going to try and seep into your life and you are going to become more and more aware of a) how scary it is and b) how not difficult it would be to join those ranks.

13. Cliques and Bitchyness didn’t end in High School:
Best to have a “Fuck it” attitude and just be you. Cos Heyoooh, if you don’t like you, no one else is going to buy into your crap.

12. You should have done a degree with the title of a job in it:
Like Accounting or Law. Your wishy washy arts/liberal/science degree ain’t gonna get you no where easily. Having read all of Jane Austen’s novels is not something you can put on your resume.

11. You’re getting too old to accept some of these new music types:
Skrillex.

10. There are lots of lame things you need to do to survive:
Like taxes, keeping your eye on your bank account and getting health check ups.

9. People are going to judge you on what wine’s you drink:
“I drink to get drunk” is no longer an acceptable or funny answer.

8. Some of the best paying jobs sound boring as shiiiiiit:
Account manager for a paper company. Sales and Marketing Division leader at Do You Hate Your Life Yet LTD.

7. Your tastebuds are changing and things you used to hate you might start to like and things you used to love might make you go “Meh.”

6. You can’t believe everything you see on TV:
BUT BUT! Everything always has a happy ending!

5. You are going to lose touch with some of your best friends:
As everyone’s lives adapt at a different pace and people move all over the world. But don’t worry because there are always amazing new people to meet, and you never know what they are going to bring to your life.

4. You are going to make mistakes, and you are going to be okay:
I used to think I had to have all the answers all the time, but now in my period of waiting and watching and applying and sighing, I realize that I’m allowed to fall down and make mistakes and take this moment of question-mark-ness. Now I realize that if I fall, I just have to get back up, and if I fall again, I’m just going to have to get back up again. That’s the journey.

3. You only have to answer to you – when it comes to life decisions:
I used to think I had to keep up with the crowd, do cool things, impress my parents, reach a certain status. Now I’m starting to learn that I couldn’t be something I’m not, that that is where my life path is. See #17. When I die, I’, hoping that in the split second before I expire, when my life is all laid out in front of me like a patch work quilt, I tried my best as a person to be good and love those around me, but also that I tried my best to listen to my heart and do what was in it.

2. If you want something, you have to ask for it.
No body is just going to hand you your dreams and ambitions. It’s a hard, slippery, scary path, but you have to walk it because nobody else is going to walk it for you. Remember in school when if you wanted to join a sports team or do the play, your parents had to sign something, or they could call the teachers and complain if you didn’t get in? Now it’s you that has to make the fuss, ask for things, fight for yourself.

1. You are going to have SO much fun!

And those are my 24 things. Some are rude, harsh, cynical. Some are sappy and some were just me scrabbling. But there they are laid out for you.

Enjoy.