A day in the life of Hedgey the Hedgehog, the worst creature in the world


Oh hey you guys! My name is Hedgey and I’m a hedgehog that lives in Toronto with my roommates Paris and Dani, and my Mum Brodie.

Brodie is the only person I won’t bite in the whoooooollleeeee world, and sometimes I’ll still puff up my spikes when she tries to touch me.

My only defence is to curl up into a little ball and make *puff* noises when you try to touch me. I also jerk a bit so it seems like my spikes will shoot off my back and kill you. But they won’t, because really, I can’t do much more damage to you than a toilet brush (unless I bite you.)

My eyesight is pretty poor so I can’t see much, and I sleep 95% of the day because I’m nocturnal or something.

The only time I don’t like to sleep is at 4am when I like to run on my crazy annoying squeaky wheel and drink out of my rabbit-feeder type water bottle which makes a *GUNKGUNKGUNK* sound when I drink out of it.

It scares the shit out of which ever drunk friend is sleeping on the couch.

My diet consists of dry cat food ONLY. No other food will ever interest me, although sometimes when I smell something weird/new i like to lick myself with my foamy saliva – which is totally weird and gross.

I have no friends in the whole wide world (except Brodie) because I am a lame, mean, anti-social pet.

Yay Me.