That one time, at Band Camp, when we made a Video out of my Blog

Hey Peeps

That's you!

That’s you!

 

Remember that time AustraAlien teamed up with a really cool chick with a camera, a dude named Daniel who was kind-of just along for the ride, and a freaking hilarious musician to turn one of her blogs into a video and then posted that video on her blog?

Great news! That day is this day!

You may watch below.

Enjoy the fantastic “sleep-acting” and sexy belly squeeze.

You’re welcome.

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Free Advice: from people who don’t know but think they do, that you didn’t ask for

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Listen.

I think it’s really sweet that you’re interested in what I want to do with my life (be famous, marry rich, pop some kids, die at 99 while skydiving over the Bahama’s with my toyboy Tad) and that you’re taking the time to give me what you believe, is 100% bullet-proof advice.

You must think I’m a fucking. moron. that I haven’t had the brilliance of the idea you’ve just had that is SO simple. Buddy… why don’t you just show me how it’s done, since you’re the one that really knows.

Free Advice I have been given lately:

6. “You should join Alcoholics Anonymous, all the film and TV people are there!”
THANKyou random eastern European Man (and friend) who just paid for my (and my roommates) ice cream for no apparent reason (except that you wanted to talk to us.)
Your advice is so incredibly simple. To network effectively, I should just attend meetings where people talk about their substance addictions. GENIUS!

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His name was Robert Polson…his name was…

5. “You should think of yourself as a product, and put a post on Craigslist!”
Hell. No. Have you ever BEEN on craigslist? Wow. You thought you knew some quirky individuals. You. Got. Nothing. On craigslist. It’s like a High School were all the kids are the weird kids, the cheerleaders are into some freaky-deaky-shit and the Jocks are the guys who want to kiss and tenderly adore your feet (and will pay you $50).

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I get enough interaction with weirdo’s in my daily life – without having a way for people to contact me (more) through the anonymity of the Internets. Yeah-no. But thanks for the tip!

4. “You should Volunteer your Free Time and build contacts that way”:
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First off…what free time? The ten minutes a day I shower before I crash into bed? Or the 6 hours of sleep a night I’m averaging at the moment. Second off…DUH-FUCKING-DUH. If you’re at the bottom of the Film and Television food chain (like me and most of my friends) then you know that working for free under the term “internship” happens A LOT. That’s what we do, we exchange our time for experience and the hopes that some who knows someone who’s cat’s arch-nemisis’s bestfriends brothers girlfriends aunt’s gynecologists ex-wife will hire you.

3. “You should Stand on the corner and hand out Samples of your Creative Writing”:
Okay listen, I like you, but I kind of want to punch you in the mouth. Please don’t start a sentence addressed to me with the opening “You should Stand on the street corner and…”
Not only am I not enjoying the prostitute connotation here, but also, I will physically cross the road to get away from those Cancer/I’m a girl/Rainforest people who wave at you and go “Hey, how are you?” like they give a shit and don’t want me to sign some petetition.

“Me? I’m fucking terrrrrrrribbbbbl!!! Like, legit got cancer in all my orifices, suffering from severe abuse at home and crying myself to sleep every night because there are so few natural resources left in the world, and I personally have an evil personality disorder which makes me cut down endangered plants and animals in my sleep. But how are yoooooooou!?”

Stop trying to make Fetch happen. It’s not going to happen. And I am not going to stand on a corner trying to push ANY of my talents on ANYONE. Except you Tom Felton, you dirty-sexy Malfoy you. Wingardium my Levio-sa baby.

2. “You should just turn up to Production Companies with a Resume and ask to speak to the hiring Manager”:
As I may have mentioned (about 7501 times) I am currently temping to pay my bills, and usually I am put into Reception type positions. And I’ve worked in all kinds of offices, Mining, Financial type places, places that honestly could be Office fronts for the Mob (IDK) but also, Creative offices.

And the number of times people have tried to push their Resume’s on me (the girl with no clue) is too many to count (because I am lazy and can’t really remember). And do you know what happens to those Resume’s when people just show up? Straight into the bin (or shredder- depending on the fanciness level of the office).

HR managers get HOUNDED in this economy and are forever getting un-asked for Resume’s and follow up calls. When I worked at one Production company, they had a computer file with over 500 unsolicited Resume’s from people with varying levels of skill. They were courteous enough to keep them on file and if something did come up and they needed a Cinematographer or a Lighting Person, all they had to do was flick through the HUNDREDS of Resume’s. But I bet 9/10 it went to someone they already knew.

So forgive me for not following that delightful piece of advice.

1. “Strike up conversations with random people and let them know what you want to do, you never know who might be your lucky break”:

Starbucks guy: What can I get you today Mam?
Me: A Spiced Pumpkin Latte and a Job in Film and Television?
Starbucks guy: With Whipped Cream on top?
Me: Only if they pay me extra

Doctor: How are we doing today Paris?
Me: Well it burns when I pee, and also I’m looking for a job in Film and Television. Any ideas?

(Me, tripping over my feet because I’m clumsy)
Concerned Pedestrian: Are you alright?!
Me: (grabbing him by the lapels) QUICK! Do you know anyone hiring in Film and Television?

I think not.

Nope I think I’ll just continue as I am thankyouverymuch. Ranting on my blog, applying to jobs on LinkedIn, Mandy and MediaJobsCanada, and weeping softly into the tub of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream.

The Challenge of wanting vs doing

I haven’t blogged in almost 2 weeks and that makes me feel bad.

Blogging is always on my to do list, even when my brain feels like the melted easter eggs I found in the bottom of my desk drawer (and yes I still ate them).

I have a personality with a “type” clearly labelled. Over-achiever, controlling, etc etc. It’s all very interesting, (as you can tell by the way I’m casually skimming over the issue), but to live the personality day in day out – well…it’s rather exhausting.

Take for example the lack of blogging.

(Conversation with myself)

I didn’t blog today, or yesterday, or the day before. It’s cool. I recently took on the challenge of writing an article for a local paper.
Is it cool? Blogging was the one thing I was doing consistently.
Yes Paris, it’s fine. Relax.
Okay… but I should have blogged about something… like my first experience with Passover, or that car accident we witnessed coming back from Buffalo… or more lists of things I haven’t achieved (that was a popular one), or destinations I would like to travel too, or the failed planned Miami trip or-
I didn’t blog. Get over it. Or blog. Yoda says do or do not there is no try.

I’m kind of mean to myself. Harsh. Blunt. Actually that’s pretty much how I am with most people, except that I temper the things I say to other people.
And they don’t live in my head 24/7.

But it’s frustrating when your biggest distraction is yourself.
No, I didn’t have to spend 3 hours on Reddit reading every single funny post.
Nor stalk the wedding photos of a girl I went to High School with.
I didn’t have to watch the 2 new episodes of Modern Family.

I could have used that time to do something worthwhile, like go online and pay my bills. Or enroll in that course I’ve been meaning to enroll in. I could have done another draft review of the article due on the 19th, or connected with a family member. I could have gone to the gym, or done my laundry.

All the things I could have done… that I didn’t.

And it’s not like I don’t want to do them!

I want to build a blog with a strong following so I have some kind of writing to show for myself.
I want to pay my bills so it’s off my mind, and enroll in that course for the same reason.
I REALLY want to finish that article so I can send it off and feel great and not stress about it last minute.
And I really want to go to the gym so I have a banging hot body for Camp this summer (where I will spend every day in a bikini and shorts)
And I really really NEED to do laundry because I’ve been having to wear my sexy underwear on days I just want to wear comfies.

sigh.

But like all good members of my personality type, I go through fazes of mass productivity, and uber-incredible-indescribable slothness.

The challenge of wanting vs doing.

Blog: check.

p.s Sorry the picture at the top has literally NOTHING to do with this post. I was trying to find a superman sloth but…well google images just wasn’t playing ball.