“Trendy” things that need to die

Maybe I’m just too old for this shiz, but some things that are considered “cool” these days are just too hideous from where I’m standing.
I’m not trying to control your creativity, and I’m not saying that I could maybe think some of these things are actually AMAZING idea’s (when I’m three shots of Jack Daniels Deep).
I’m just saying, sober, I’d rather the following would cease to exist.


The Half/Side Shave Head Thing for women:
Uhhhhhrhhhhgghh. You did what-now to your head? I think girls with shaved heads can be sexy, and I think girls with long hair can be sexy. Should you mix those two together? What are you a commitment-phobe or something? Why are you trying out two hairstyles at the same time?! What is this madness?! Yay, you’re such an individual…now that this look has become total mainstream. Hello? Oh it’s 2008 calling, they said it’s been 5 years since this look was a thing, probs should think of something else now, like dyeing your hair aquamarine. Good luck growing out your hair past that awkward tufty stage.


Sweet baby Cheeses how I hate those four letters in that combination. If you use that word, we aren’t friends and we never will be, until you spend some time on a desert island by yourself, cultivating a personality and a special relationship with a Volleyball (WIIIIIIILLLLSSSSOOOOONNN). I think David Clark (played by my future husband Jason Sudekis) summed it up the best in ‘We’re the Millers’ (a surprisingly funny Jennifer Aniston movie) when he said:
“You couldn’t have sent us a text….LOL picture of a whale…hashtag YOLO”.
Right on future hubs. Right on.

Playsuit MyYard patterned Jonathon Aston hold ups from myTights (1) shoes New Look necklace Love hearts and crosses

The Playsuit
Maybe I’m just drinking the hate-o-rade on this one because I definitely do NOT have the body to pull this fashion item off, but I think playsuits are done. If you aren’t ridiculously skinny and amazing, it kindof looks like you’re wearing a nappy. See ya in the next fashion upswing Ugly.


The term “Swag”
First off, if you are using the term Swag, then I am already cooler than you (and that is saying something because I’m not cooler than many people) and also, no. Just no. You were obviously born after 1995, and I can’t take people who don’t know the words to all the Spice Girls songs seriously.

1217_ExpLife_OSL_WedgeSneaker_03The Wedge Sneaker
This trend isn’t even *that* old and yet I wish that the person who thought this was an incredible idea had instead turned their madness into something excellent, like raincoats for penguins, or something equally as functional and useful. What I don’t get is, why am I strangely attracted to these? I like lace up boots, I like my wedges, and my sneakers are comfy so I feel love towards them. This item however is the mutant love child of those things and must be killed before it burns down the village! SHUNnnnnnn.


Feeling kindof like Grandpa Simpson over here



All the 17 year olds be like: you are so uncool!

Whatever bitch, I’ll just be over here with my wine that I bought ALL BY MYSELF with my ID and everything.

# whale symbol smiley face YOLO