1. Should I make my bed just before a night out just cos… you know… in case
Should I also maybe put away that book I borrowed from the library entitled “How to trick everyone into thinking you have your shit together all of the time and make men love you and make it so your parents think you’re really independent but also still send you money sometimes”? And like should I wear sexy underwear?
2. Is this super coarse thick, black, mid-thigh hair actually a pube?
And how far down should I tell my Brazillian waxer to go?
3. If I go to the gym for twenty minutes on the seated bike thing, can I eat the rest of this Ben & Jerry’s half baked cookie dough ice cream and still be thin enough to have guys think I’m sexy?
4. Seriously should I start shaving my boobs because Cosmo said one random hair is normal…but this… this is not one.
5. How do I snap chat?
6. Where do I buy those spanx things that suck everything in?
And what do I wear them under and how do I take them off if I go home with someone?
7. I see that you posted a picture of your new baby online… and it’s the fucking ugliest creature I’ve ever seen. Do I hate children or do you just have a really ugly baby?
Will mine be that hideous and I just won’t know or do you know but you’re like “ahhh fuck… stuck with it now.” ?
8. No but seriously… whats with all this extra hair… like I’m growing a neck beard
Is it like that episode of house where it turns out my ovaries are actually testicles and I am a man?! AM I A MAN DR HOUSE?!
9. Does drinking wine alone on a work night with nothing but cartoons for company mean I have lost control of my life?
10. If I met someone now, and we dated for two years and then got engaged and then got married a year later… could I still have a baby before I’m 30?
11. When am I going to start feeling like a grown up?