Things I sometimes do, that you probably do too:

granny-panties

Walking down the street on a windy day with my earphones in, Adele blasting: Pretending I’m in a Video clip.
I know I’m not alone. You imagine the slow camera pan as you stride down the street, Adele crooning in your ear “someonnnnne like yooooooou.”
Whatever. I know you do.

Going to bed with totally fine body image, waking up Ohhh, MYGOD-HOW-DID-I-GAIN-12-KILO’S-OVERNIGHT?!
Seriously…I know there are sock gnomes that steal my socks so I’m constantly wearing odd ones…but are there gnomes sneaking into my room at night injecting my thighs and love handles with fat!? There is no explanation for this other than my perfectly reasonable logic that somebody is sneaking into my room at night…and making me fatter.

Irrational anger at inanimate objects for putting themselves in places I SWEAR I didn’t put them.
Fuck you boots. Seriously, you’re DICKS.

Rationing the comfy undies because G-strings and Lacey panties are for date nights and not Tuesday’s on the couch.
I do laundry before I resort to certain stringy black numbers (and I HATE doing laundry).

Opening the fridge to all the produce I spent my money on. Deciding there’s nothing to eat. Buying Pringles. That is dinner.
Salt and Vinegar flavour, ONLY.

Being too poor to constantly have a fresh tea bag every time you want a cup of tea: making 3-5 cups of tea with one bag.
It’s coooooold okay, and I like Earl Grey tea with milk and 3 sugars (diabetes!) so sue me for being economical (and poor).

Getting stressed out when people leave the tap running when they are brushing their teeth and/or talking to me.
Some of us were raised in a DROUGHT people. Jeez.

 

 

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