25 things you’re still doing at 25 that mean you might be a fuckup

Didn’t our mothers teach us any better?
Aren’t we supposed to be fully equipped adults at this quarter century mark?! Guess not.

25. Ignore your credit card bill
Oh hello there bank statement. I’ll just put you right over here with the other fire.

24. Fuck up the most simple of recipes.
Grilled eggplant you say? Olive oil, salt and a grill? That seems simp..OHMYGOD WHY IS THE SMOKE DETECTORFREAKING OUT!?

23. Skew your financial priorities.
Hum. I haven’t paid my mobile phone bill this month…but its cheap wednesday at the place I get my Brazilians. Ohkay Vagina. You win this round!

22. Save Random dudes names in your phones, and having no fucking clue who they might be.
“Brad Chicagodude” eh? He sounds like a riot.

21. Misquote quotes at people.
Stop. You sound like a fucking moron. Pretty sure just because you saw the quote on a picture with artsy writing, doesn’t mean that said person actually said it.

20. Have nothing in your fridge except a slightly crusty block of butter and expired milk.

19. Drink expired milk.
Check the expiration date dickbag!

18. Text someone you were bitching about a message about them…to them

17. Sneakily use your roommates hair curler, and then forgetting to turn it off when you dash out, and burning a hole in their duvet and their top not to mention the fact that you could have burnt down the entire house…
Sorry Brodie.

16. Stretch out your leftover take away to last as many meals as possible.
Whats on the menu boys? Ethiopian for breakfast and lunch and Indian for dinner. Hallelujah better bring a book to the bathroom.

15. Have weird, poorly timed, sexually awkward experiences with your male friends and then refusing to ever talk about it and/or make eye contact ever again.

14. Fuck around with your birth control so you are literally on a roller coaster of emotion.
It’s one pill, ONCE a day. How is that hard to deal with?!

13. Send a group message on Facebook when wasted that offends everybody except the people who just exited it immediatley.

12. Send begging follow up emails to jobs you applied for.
“I will literally work 21 hours a day. Please god just hire me!”

11. Shrug off someone you thought was begging for change because you have your headphones in.
Turns out its just a hipster asking for directions. Try to explain the situation…then just run for it.

10. Let the garbage pile up in the bin rather than walk the 10 metres to empty it.
“What IS that delightful odour?”

9. Buy new underwear at La Senza so you don’t have to do laundry again.

8. Rinse the flashy piece of salmon you bought yourself and when it comes to dabbing it dry, realize you are all out of Kitchen towel, so attempt to use toilet paper.
This does not work.

7. Spend more money on shoes in a week than groceries/the medicine you might need to kill this cough.
Alcohol does not count

6. Get black out drunk on a Tuesday by accident and end up with your friend in a Karoke bar even though you both have work together tomorrow.
“Accident”

5. Try to sound fancy and pronounce expensive brands.
Realize you sound like a fucking tool.

4. Facebook stalk your more successful friends that were in the year or 2 years below you in High School.
Drink a bottle of wine and cry. Repeat.

3. Destroy your white shorts because you’ve still never really got the hang of a coloured vs a “whites only” load.

Maybe I’m not racist, and the idea of separating the coloureds and the white seems a bit 1950’s mkkkaayy?

2. Tell your mother all the fuck-up shit you feel like you do in your life as a 24, almost 25 year old. Cry in the shower. Decide to write a blog about it. Instantly feel better.
HERE COMES THAT HIGH ON THE ROLLER COASTER OF EMOTION WEEEEEEeeeeeeeee!

1. Get up tomorrow and do it all again.